so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
