I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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