Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
