it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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