Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
