i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up under a house in Key West
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
