I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
