his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
