It's Friday. Sex?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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