we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
