Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
