hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
