this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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