I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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