But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
