Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
