I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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