just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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