you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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