I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
