did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
