# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
