yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
