So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
