My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
