i just google imaged poop.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
