Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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