my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
