Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
