Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
