Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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