she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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