Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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