So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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