I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
