Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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