If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
