I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
