I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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