The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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