All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
