So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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