I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
