his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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