I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
