I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
