i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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