please come you make the beer taste better
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
