I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im part way to drunk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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