Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
wow bdsm is so cute
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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