she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
