Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
