I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
