we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
