Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
