Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We have started to decorate penises.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
