I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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