Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize