The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
