when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
