I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
