Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
