I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
