M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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