p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This baby is an asshole
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
