I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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